Well, it's been a while and a day since a post went up...here's my list of excuses.
1. Slow computer...so so slow.
2. Trying really hard to focus on school...doing much better, but there is always so much to do and never enough time or energy or enthusiasm for the really tough stuff.
3. Building a closet in our bedroom which is take forever and has knocked out internet for a bit. No it's not finished, or close just looks like a place we really should not be sleeping, but are.
4. Being pregnant...it does not get easier, in fact as I head into the second trimester I am fully expecting to miss out on the second trimester boost again and just resign to halfies-1st trimester nausea and exhaustion and 3rd trimester hugeness and waddling.
Truth be know this pregnancy has been so incredibly hard emotionally. And sadly the hardest part has been, "How are we going to tell everyone?" The comments made through the years sting all the more with every plus sign. This time around I allowed them to overtake my head and blocked out all the joy in this new life. No I am not blaming the naysayers, they can hold their own opinions, I am weaker this time around and have prayed constantly for acceptance and peace with this new life God has entrusted to us and will continue to pray.
Also on the rather difficult side is the trauma of Eleanor's birth. Trying to navigate the waters of true and complete care is very challenging. Do go to a doctor and risk the same situation as Ellie or do I go to a midwife and risk not passing my glucose test and being passed along to a doctor that doesn't care.
Lastly, I know there is far too many woman reading this (well other people's post like this) saying to themselves, "What I wouldn't give." I am truly sorry for what you are going through and I try so very hard not to complain about God's blessing in our marriage. Just this time around it's too much and as I deal with emotions that are foreign I try my best to offer them for your sake, for your pain and longing. I do not know your deep and sincere want for a full womb, however please know you fill so very much of my daily offerings and guilt. (I always feel so incredibly guilty for not being thrilled, knowing how much you all would give to be in my shoes.)
Okay well that's that tie-breaker is due in the Spring.
Maybe I'll post before than?
YAY!!!! Oh so wonderful news, Mammasita! Try to shove the guilt and blues away and enjoy the pregnancy and your new life happening. God blesses you each time and has designated you for this work of His. He and His Blessed Mother , and those of us here who love you, will help with prayers and ideas to help. Love you much, sweetie! 😘❤️🤗
ReplyDeleteBless your precious heart for the Gift you are bearing for all of us to embrace; for the glory to God your beautiful family is! Perhaps He is allowing you to have some of the very same questions and be in the same quandries as the Holy Theotokos. She can really relate to you and be your spiritual director through this sweet baby's being, but we all can pray and give thanks and celebrate the Blossom that is being called forth in The Lord's time. My ongoing mantra:..you are so loveable, and valuable and capable.by the grace of The Father and The Son and The Holy Spirit!
ReplyDeleteWe are so delighted to be given this good news; another reason to be thankful this Thanksgiving.
Praise God for the gift of new life. Praise God the the opportunity for Him to bestow grace for the tasks before you. Just as you can't raise one without God's grace, you can't raise seven without it. It's the same grace and love and it's good.
ReplyDeleteWe love you and your beautiful heart, soul, mind, and body, Julia!! Your husband and children are so richly blessed to know and love you on the daily! I have a very close friend who has 7 children (here on earth; 4 more in heaven). If you'd like some advice, comfort, or just commiseration, let me know and I'd be happy to hook y'all up. She also homeschooled - not all the way through, but she can still offer her experiences. ♥♥
ReplyDeleteThank you for your beautiful honesty, reflection, and vulnerability. I am selfishly thrilled for another niece or nephew, and I can't wait to see their unique personality unfold as they flourish in your family. It's amazing how there seems to have always been a place in your family for each child, and I love watching them create their own niche as they become more confident in exploring their world - knowing that they are unconditionally and fiercely loved by each member in your family.
ReplyDeleteAll these comments-YES! We love you-all and want to support you in any way we can. As a very holy priest once said to a friend in the same situation= "From all eternity God knew this child and this time, He will make it good." Now comes the difficult part=trusting Him. Love you more than I can say.
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