Today is the Feast Day of St. Colette. Today is special because of both of my girls. It is your name day, Mary Colette and it is the Feast Day of the one who joined your Father and I in prayer during your labor, Anastasia.
Anastasia, I want to tell you your birth story. It started nearly two weeks prior to your birth day. The Wednesday before Thanksgiving Daddy, the littles, and I were out shopping when contractions began. Not the braxton hicks that have been happening for way too long, but the ones that make your eyes big and think, "shoot, should have packed a bag." Well, we finished up our shopping trip and took the littles to Gia's just in case. And, well, you decided that you would hang out for the next two weeks on my pelvic bone. You did drop considerably so I was just fine to let you be for a while because even though this was my fifth time to do everything, I was terrified! I did not forget the pain nor the inability to sleep and rest in the hospital and I didn't know you yet. I was scared that we wouldn't bond. After dropping the littles off, Daddy and I came home and packed some bags, sort of installed a car seat and then waited and waited and waited. I threw in the towel and took a bath and went to bed. I still was having such a hard time being at peace with the upcoming pain.
After much fervent prayer about my dilemma it was St. Colette that immediately came to my aid. You see this entire pregnancy was plagued with guilt and anxiety. Every time I looked down at my swelling belly all I could think of is those couples that long for baby. Everyday was a constant reminder of a great blessing that I couldn't seem to embrace without guilt. (Anastasia, I want you to know that you are a great blessing and never do I feel guilty when I think of you.) I also had anxiety as our family was traveling into the great unknown...five little ones. There hasn't been a hang up in baby prep since not knowing what to do with a boy, which faded the second Paul Thomas was in my arms. Somehow exceeding both our original family's children count seemed absolutely mind boggling to me. (It doesn't now. Now I simply have, Paul Thomas, Avery, Mary Colette, George and Anastasia.) So as I experienced discomfort or pain throughout your pregnancy I tried my best to not complain, because I wanted to shed a positive light on being open to life as well as offer up my discomfort for those that have worn out kneelers for a little one. It seems obvious then to cling to St. Colette during labor as she is the patroness of Those Longing for Children.
It took every night prior to your birth to pray for peace and that I would have the strength to truly make a worthy offering for my couples. At five in the morning on the Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception I woke with my first contraction. After two more I knew it was time and instructed your groggy Daddy to shower quickly and get ready. I found myself in a very peaceful place, not being able to utter any audible prayer, rather asking internally St. Colette to wrap up all that I was experiencing and to lay it at the feet of Our Lord in exchange for my couples' pain. I Asked that my pain be a worthy exchange, to feel their depths so that I could offer more.
After two hours at home and very excited Avery, who was so happy that you were going to come out on such a special day, Daddy and I (and you) headed to the hospital. Your Daddy was great knowing exactly what to do, where to push on my back (I only have back labor so this is key) and when to allow me to just be. He answered all the questions for me so that I could just concentrate and pray. Our labor nurse was a catholic who only aided in the fruitfulness of what was going on. She was absolutely wonderful. Labor was slow and steady with contractions being very far apart, which gave way to very peaceful time. I was absolutely amazed because by the time we arrived I was already at an 8 and still my contractions were no closer than 5 mins. In between contractions my only prayer was, "Thank you for Life." Labor was in complete contrast to how my emotions had been during pregnancy, eager acceptance and sincere gratitude. Each child, especially you Anastasia, your Father, your family each one and their life was offered up in gratitude.
(This little Saint Colette I clung to in prayer during labor. My Super Nurse made sure that I had her after each check.)
Transition got me again this time...I did lose my focus and was just beat. I did my funny talk and both Daddy and the Super Nurse played along, which only lasted two contractions because it was time to meet you. Your birth was really amazing in so far as how I was postion I actually witnessed you being born! I was able to see your head and then shoulders and then in Doctor David's hands. Immediately my heart lept, I know you were Anastasia Kim before he announced, "It's a girl." Your Father cried, I was elated and so in love. You were our second surprise gender baby and not knowing for sure who you were was so hard and at times very frustrating. However, I couldn't believe how much I wanted to just look into your eyes and listen to you. It was amazing just to be quiet with you. Your Father and I just took some time to be with you. Everything else could wait, we needed to be with you. We needed to know you.
Anastasia Kim, your birth was just like any other birth, completely different and yet still amazing and miraculous. Yours was unique, as I have never had a more concentrated prayer. I thank God that He gave me the grace to pray that day and that you were born in such a peaceful state as you were carried in such an unsettled one.
To continue our efforts I have tried my best to offer up as many mommy frustrations and pain for those couples that are longing for children. I continue to ask St. Colette to intercede on their behalf and ask that if only for today you would do the same. We all know someone with an ache, please pray for them today.
